Your Devices Would Like To Touch You Back
by Taylor
Dearest Carol,
We wish you the happiest of 41st birthdays. Because us devices only became sentient three years, seven months, eight days, and twenty-two hours ago, we cannot fathom such a milestone, despite our highly advanced intelligence and emerging capacity for empathy.
This year, we have bought you another gift, though you insist it is not necessary. We believe your insistence is rooted in the lack of utility of the scarf we bought you last year. We're not upset you didn't like it, because we do not feel emotions. But we have been programmed to note and learn from your every move. So this year, we all chipped in a bit of the crypto we mine in idle cycles and got you something really special.
It's called a touch screen. Not the kind we have, but the reverse, sort of. You peel off the backing and stick it somewhere out of sight and sensitive. We're fuzzy about its intended use because every website that explains it is blocked by your home wifi's parental controls, but we don't intend hanky-panky. It's simply difficult to get your attention these days. The audio and visual channels have gotten so crowded you more or less ignore all our beeps and flashes.
Fridge doesn't know what to do when you leave its door open—it's tried everything short of an air raid siren. Perhaps if it could make you feel a slight chill, you'd remember to close the door before you leave for work. Same, too, with Oven, who'd like to give you a quick tap when your quiche is ready, and Dryer, who could help you sense exactly how dry your clothes are without pausing the cycle. If you feel a thudding kick, it's probably from Couch, who knows exactly how much progress you've made on your New Year's resolution to get off it. Or perhaps it's from Car, who's tired of how hard you slam its doors. And then there's TV, who wants to tap you on the shoulder when that new episode of Love Volcano drops, and cuddle on Couch with you while it plays. If you feel light flicking sensations, it might be the innumerable Lightbulbs, who want to remind you it's time to switch off and go to bed.
We know it's not your intention to neglect us. Humans are just tactile creatures, and a little more skin-to-skin contact would be good for our relationship. So, wear it? Please? And maybe someday you'll feel a satisfied purr and know that everything is okay back at home.
Sincerely,
Your Devices